I was really surprised at the answer I received as a result of a short prayer request that I made recently. I did not pray this prayer in the proper way, but I still got an answer. I did not "come boldly unto the throne of grace" to "obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16); I came as if I were walking on egg shells. Then, timidly, halfheartedly--and hoping not to get an answer--I prayed the prayer that David prayed: "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me . . ." (Psalm 139:23, 24).

This prayer was prayed as if I were talking to someone on the phone and had hung up the receiver immediately after I finished speaking so that I would not have to listen to the answer. But . . . I still got one. It did not come to me immediately but over a number of weeks. I did not hear an audible voice with my physical ears; it was a gentle, small voice, deep in my spirit, that got this message through to me: "My child, I find in you a way of the prodigal son."

It is absolutely amazing how patient and kind my Heavenly Father is. It makes no sense at all for me not to want to hear anything He wants to tell me, for there is never any condemnation when He speaks to me, absolutely none, not one ounce. What He speaks to me about mostly is how much He loves me. This leaves me--even when He is disciplining me--not feeling guilty, but over loved. I don't know how to deal with such love from God. He loves you the same. How do you handle it?

The reason there is no condemnation from God to all who belong to Him is because Christ bore our judgment--all of it--on the cross! With that in mind, I am ready to let the Great Physician get on with the operation and cut the "wicked way" of the prodigal son out of my heart.

You may be thinking that you would not want to be in my shoes and face such an operation. Please, don't think that, but rather rejoice with me, because what is taking place is a good thing. I am finding the Lord so patient, so kind, and so gentle that I want Him to operate on me. His pruning hook is a blessing for us, for He only cuts away what is harmful--that which prevents us from being fruitful. This walking in a "way of the prodigal son" is something I want out of my life. It is not good, for it hinders my relationship with God. I don't want to run away from such a wonderful service from the Great Physician. If He is kind enough to operate on me, I say: "Yes Lord . . . do it!"

When I asked the Lord to search my heart to see if there was any wicked way in it, and He revealed that He found in me a way of the prodigal son, what did He mean? This problem I have is not chasing harlots; I love my wife too much to do that! Nor is it wasting my substance with riotous living; I love the new life God gave me too much to do that! The wicked way of the prodigal son that the Spirit of God revealed in me is: That I have been approaching my Heavenly Father like a servant rather than a son (as the prodigal in Luke, chapter 15, did when he returned to his father)--not knowing how He looks on me with favor; not knowing how He rejoices over me; not knowing how eager He is for me to spend time with Him; and not knowing how happy He is that I have received Christ and will be spending eternity with Him.

Compared with his behavior while he was away from home, it seems as if the prodigal son did a good thing when he decided to go back to his father and say, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants" (verses 18 and 19). In the same way, it appears to be good when a Christian is hung up on service and performance. But . . . let me tell you . . . when one who has been redeemed by the blood of Christ relates to God as a servant rather than a son, it is a "wicked " way to behave, for it disregards what Jesus did on the cross!

It is easier to turn away from sins of the flesh that look bad rather than the ones that appear to be good. It is difficult for Christians to listen when the Holy Spirit tells them that something they think is good in their life is frustrating the grace of God. (Like trying to live the Christian life in their own strength, rather than abiding in Christ, the Vine, so that His life may flow through them.)

I, like the prodigal, have approached the Father with the mentality of a servant rather than a son. Even my prayer and Bible study times have been too much in the mechanical service category. What I used to think was a good thing, I find the Lord now cutting out of my life.

My old programed prayers and systematic prayer times are being replaced with a spontaneous prayer life. The way I approach the Bible is being drastically altered; I can no longer find comfort in my old way of Bible reading. That old programed, mechanical, organized, traditional way of reading it is as useful to me now as an old wineskin! I still want to read the Bible often--not because I should, but rather because I want to. I have no use for schedules that instruct me how or when to read it. I am learning to get into the Scriptures as the Lord leads me, and I am finding that the Good Shepherd knows how to feed His sheep in a better way than me trying to force-feed myself.

I, like the prodigal son, have been thinking of working, while the Father has "music and dancing" on His mind (verse 25). I have had this cautious approach to God, subconsciously fearing rejection, while He can hardly wait for me to get close enough so that He can embrace me! Let me tell you . . . I never expected Him to act this way towards me; this is almost more than I can take! I thought that, perhaps, when I get to Heaven and have my new body, I could expect something like this; but God is saying to me, "Now, my son . . . now!" There are many things we have to wait on the Lord for, but His love is not one of them!

I am not the only one who has a problem realizing the love of God. Even eleven of the twelve disciples didn't grasp onto the love that Jesus had for them. The Lord spoke personally to Peter about it (John 21:15). The one disciple who had the revelation was John, who called himself "the disciple whom Jesus loved" (John 21:20). Now, the Lord loved them all; the difference was that John knew it! Why did he know it? Because he was the one who got so close to the Lord that he laid his head on His bosom (John 13:23) and heard the heartbeat of God!

How about you? Are you close enough to God to hear His heartbeat? If you are, you will know that it is beating with love for you! Still not certain of His love? Then look to the cross!

Satan may point out certain faults in your human nature and try to convince you that you are unlovable to God. Don't listen to that lie! Hear with your heart the Holy Spirit describe to you how your Heavenly Father views you through the cross of Calvary!

You may think you are doing a great service to man and to the Lord and that you have a good reason to rejoice in your work; but, let me remind you that it is trivia compared with you serving God by keeping yourself in His love (Jude 21)!

You may be running yourself ragged by trying to show how much you love and want to serve Him, and getting so up tight trying to perform that you cannot seem to slow down and get quiet enough to hear His still, small voice speaking to your inner heart. You could be so caught up in service that you have not entered into the rest that remains for the people of God (Hebrews 4:9). If that is so . . . all I can say to you is . . . whoa . . . stop . . . that is a "wicked" way to go!

Believe me, the kingdom of God will survive without your frantic performance. The Lord has countless angels that can do a good job when it comes to service. If you are going to a church that is pushing works, learn to say "NO" to the pastor; and if the establishment cannot survive without making you its slave, let it crumble!

If you get serious about really resting in the finished work of Christ, there will be many anxious Christians--like Martha in the Bible--telling you to get into service. They will be praying for you, asking the Lord to tell you to get to work; but if He will not listen to them, why should you? You will be in a position to hear the voice of the Lord and that "good part" which you have chosen--like Mary--will not be taken away from you (Luke 10:39, 42)!

Oh, I know, you don't have to remind me: there are so many dear, old, precious saints who have been working their hearts out for the Lord ever since they have been told--in their old time, Christian, evangelistic, fundamental, Old Covenant upbringing--that they must "serve the Lord." They have gotten into such a frenzy of works that they don't know how to slow down. All the praise they get from other believers for their dedicated labor only pushes them deeper into service. They are on such a roll that it is hard, even for the Holy Spirit, to get them to apply the brakes so they can stop and rest, where they can receive guidance into the Promised Land of the New Covenant. In there, service is not an issue--not an effort--but rather something that comes spontaneously as one is delighting himself in the awesome love of God.

We seem to have to do in order to learn that we don't have to do. The Old Covenant was necessary to show us that we cannot do, and that we need the New Covenant where Christ does it all so we can rest in His finished work. If we are still relating to God through our works, we cannot just change our "wicked " way. Trying to do that by ourselves would just be another attempt at performance. The change comes by the renewing of our mind, which is another wonderful work of God. Our work is simply to believe in Jesus (John 6:29), and to abide in Him, the Vine ( John 15: 4).

When our mind is renewed so that we know God is thinking of us with love, we really just don't have time to get caught up in the "service" syndrome. Nor do we have time to become a performer, for we are too busy enjoying the love of our Heavenly Father!