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PART ONE

THE CONTROL BRANCH

I would like to tell you the often-told story about a man who got into big trouble as he was hiking up a mountain. After a long climb, when he was almost to the top of the mountain, he came to a ridge protruding out that he needed to get up and over. Just as he was almost over it, his foot slipped and down he began to fall. But he was able to grab onto a branch that happened to be growing out of the side of the mountain, which broke his fall.

So there he was, his hands tightly wrapped around a flimsy branch, holding on for dear life, while his feet dangled in space. What a horrifying predicament to be in, hanging in midair several hundred feet above the ground, trying with his own strength to keep himself from falling. He could not bear to look down; it was too scary. When he looked up, he could not see over the ridge, but he knew that he was close enough to the top of the mountain for anyone who might be there to hear. So he began to yell, "Anyone up there? Help! Help! Please, help me! Help! Help! Please, anyone . . . please help me! Is there anyone up there?!"

An answer came, "I am here!" The desperate man then cried, "Who are you . . . can you help me?!" Another answer came back, "I am the Lord. Just let go of the branch so that I can help you." There was a moment of silence. Then the man cried out, "Is there anyone else up there?!"

I am using this little parable to point out that it is not easy to let go--to let go of our control. You may think this is something you need not be concerned about, but, let me assure you, this control issue affects every human being on the face of this earth. Human nature has an unhealthy need to control or to be controlled. No one is excluded; every one of us has the ability to be either a controller or a controllee, or both.

Jesus said, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matt.10:39). Our flesh, the natural man, is terrified of letting go of control and completely trusting Jesus, while the new Spiritual Man, that new creation we become by receiving Christ into our heart (2Cor.5:17), doesn't have that problem for he puts his trust in the Lord.

Most people do not want to admit that they are controllers or controllees or to deal with the control issue in a personal way, because they are afraid of letting go. If it appears to be too hard to let go all at once, couldn't we at least begin to loosen the grip? Being free from hanging onto the "control branch" would greatly enrich our lives; the more willing we are to let go of it, the more secure we will feel in the arms of God.

In the parable I told, that branch growing out of the side of the mountain looked good in appearance, but was a dangerous thing to hang onto. The "control branch" appears to be a life saver, but it is a killer. Don't reach out for that . . . reach out for Jesus! He is the "BRANCH"! (Zech. 3:8); He is the "True Vine" (John 15:1). He is the only one "that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy" (Jude 24).

HARD TO LET GO

A letter came in this morning's mail requesting prayer for a sister in Christ who finally got the courage to make the break from a controller. Making this break was a big, brave move for the woman, and she had to do it alone. The one she was making the control break from was her own husband. He holds the title of a minister and is a skillful speaker with a likeable personality, which enhances his power to persuade. She knew that going against him would be extremely difficult, because he had followers who would be quick to go to battle against her in his defense. This quiet, gentle woman, who usually goes out of her way to avoid confrontations, now was approaching a lonely, dangerous road that she knew would be hard to walk.

Her first step was to get a restraining order against her husband. Second, was to move out of the country home she loved and into a small apartment. And the third was to start divorce proceedings. She had no money to speak of to advance this undertaking, because her husband held the purse strings. (Controllers always love to handle all the finances. The Bible says, "For the love of money is the root of all evil" (1Tim.6:10). Money is not evil; it is the love of money, not the love of a colored piece of paper with dollar signs printed on it, but the love of the power it can give to someone to be in control.)

I don't know what this man ministered to his congregation, but what he served his wife were broken bones, stitches, bruises and threats of spiritual consequences if she didn't submit to him. On numerous occasions, he "scripture whipped" her to a point where her will to live was breaking down.

His followers picture him as a wonderful leader, but a woman who sees him from another viewpoint describes him as "a Control Freak who knows how to use a gun and otherwise pull every trick in the book." You may not recognize people like him because they put on such a good disguise when out in public; but, beware, for there are many of them around, and they are very dangerous.

Not long ago a young woman showed up at my door holding her ten-month-old daughter in one arm and her two-year-old daughter in the other, with little more than the clothes on their backs. She, also, was fleeing from an abusive, controlling husband. These are not isolated incidences; the control problem is a plague on all humanity, it is a raging-out-of-control-monster that is devastating all of society. Many of these "Control Freaks" are not only wife beaters, they are also child molesters. Social workers are finding that the root of the problem in most people who sexually abuse children is their need to be in control.

One may expect to find this ungodly need to control others in dictators, cult leaders or mob bosses, but not in cute little children or those ladies who spend so much time hanging out in churches. Frankly, I was quite surprised when the Lord let me see a control problem within myself!

It was not so much that I tried to control others but that I let others control me. That may not appear to be as bad as trying to control others, but it is; it is just the other side of the same coin. All my life I have let people control me. If someone asked me to jump, I would say, "How high?" If two people, at the same time, asked me to do something, I would almost split myself in two trying to satisfy them both. I didn't see anything wrong with being that way; in fact, I thought it was a good quality. Agreeing to do what controllers asked me to do when it made me appear as a "Mr. Nice Guy" was not difficult. Saying "Yes" to a controller is much easier in the short run than it is to utter an appropriate "No." Nevertheless, the easy way is not always the best way because every time someone submits to a controller, both come into a little more bondage.

Being a controllee really wasn't a big issue with me. I wasn't the least bit concerned about it; that is, until I became aware that it was affecting my relationship with God. After getting the revelation that being a controllee is just as bad as being a controller, I got serious about the fact that I was in such bondage, and asked the Lord to do whatever it took to get that horrendous thing out of my life.

Once I would have been afraid to pray like that but not anymore, because I have experienced, so often, the gentleness of the Great Physician when operating on me. I love it when He cuts things out of my life that hinder my walk with Him. He has worked on me so much concerning this control problem that lately I find myself having to be careful not to overreact when someone tries to control me. Something else I have noticed is that since I have been willing to let God help me let go of the control branch, I find myself coming into a greater freedom than I have ever known.

Before God showed me that I was a controllee, I was not aware that the control issue was such a problem. It all began to dawn on me one day when my wife, Roberta, told me that she had a control problem. Now, she is the last person in the world I would expect to hear that from; I think of controllers as being hard to get along with, and she is the most pleasant person I know.

When she first said that, it went right over my head--in one ear and out the other. Then, when she mentioned it again, I began to laugh and take it lightly; but when she said it was the Lord who showed it to her, now, that really got my attention.

At the time we had a teenage girl living with us who liked to sleep late in the mornings. My wife had made plans with her one night to go shopping the next morning, but those plans were about to be altered by this late sleeper. It was approaching 10:00 A.M. and the girl was still in bed. Each time my wife tried to awaken her and get her up, she would roll over and go back to sleep. After giving her several get-up calls, my wife found herself becoming very angry inside. Her anger began to build until it really bothered her that she was feeling such anger. Finally, she went off by herself, knelt down before the Lord and asked Him, "Lord, I don't like these feelings; please show me why I'm so angry!" Her prayer was answered but it wasn't the answer she expected. It was a wake-up call from the Lord, not for the girl but for my wife--and for me. It was a call to wake up to this control issue that is ruining so many lives. The Lord spoke to my wife and said, "The reason you are so angry is because you can't control her." The real cause of the anger wasn't the girl's refusal to get out of bed, but my wife's need to be in control. God was using this situation to show my wife her problem.

Even though, at that time, we had been married for more than twenty years, I had never realized that my wife had a problem with control. This control issue was so new to me that I didn't want to get too involved with it. I thought I would just take a laid-back position and observe where she was going to go with it. I knew she had already asked the Lord for help and during the next few days, as I saw her willingness to let go of control and how much she was getting blessed by this attitude, I wanted to get in on the action; so I prayed to my Heavenly Father to show me if I had a control problem. That is when I became aware of how all of my life I had let people control me, and that allowing myself to be controlled was just as bad as trying to control others.

My wife and I are both being set free from the control bondage; we pray about it and we encourage one another. We have found that deliverance doesn't come all at once; it is little by little, day by day, year by year, as we are willing more and more to let go of our grip on control. Just when I begin to think that all my control problems are solved, I find there is something else I need to let go of. It really is a great learning experience.

Deliverance from many ailments often comes instantly through prayer; but this control issue is different, for it has to do with our freedom to choose. And that is something God will not violate. Our Heavenly Father doesn't control His children. He guides us; He disciplines us when we need it because He loves us (Heb.12:6), but He doesn't control us. We really do have a hard time handling such freedom, and we get into a lot of trouble when we make poor choices; but I am glad that is the way it is and that we have such a wonderful, kind, gentle, patient, loving Heavenly Father who is always waiting for us to come closer to Him. One way we do that is by letting go of control; and when we do that, we make an excellent choice!

Many days I wish that God would take control of me by just laying out a list of what I am to do; but as soon as I begin to pray that way, the answer comes and is always the same: "Enjoy my love and don't worry about anything; that is what I want you to do today." Every time I hear that, it reminds me that I am not some kind of machine that cranks out spiritual duties; neither am I necessarily a servant, but a son of the Most High! That is what I am and that is my great joy!

When I discovered I had a control affliction that was hindering my walk with God and asked the Great Physician to operate and do whatever it takes to get that out of my life, the operation to set me free began immediately. Nevertheless, the process has been long and slow. I have found that learning to let go of control is like mastering a skill: first, there must be a willingness to learn; then, it is practice . . . practice . . . practice. There are plenty of opportunities for me to practice not being controlled, because there are many controllers around. I soon discovered that one of the most skillful ones I have ever encountered was my own mother, who has since gone Home to be with the Lord.

Some controllers are easy to spot, for they wear identification tags that you cannot help noticing; such as, Domineering; Overpowering; Abusive; or Rude, but they are the exceptions. Most do not have such telltale signs. My mother was not anything like that. She was a kind, generous, friendly, outgoing person with whom people loved to be. However, she was human, and like most humans she had a problem with control.

I knew the first step I would have to take to become free from my bondage would be to break free from my mother's control. I thought this matter could be settled quickly, that it would only take a few minutes to talk to my mother about it and it would be over and done with.

At the time, I was quite naive about this whole control issue, but I did know that you just don't go up to a person who has been at it for eighty-five years and tell them they have a control problem. So I approached it another way. I nonchalantly brought up the subject to my mom that I had a control problem. Then I went on to explain to her how most of my life I had let others control me, but that now I had made a decision to break free from this problem. She immediately said, "You don't have that problem!"

I assured her that I did have the problem, and then, very gently, tried to break the news to her that I needed to break free from her control. That was the spark that ignited the keg of dynamite. Never in my life have I seen my mother get so angry! Up to then, she and I had hit it off pretty well. We'd had a few confrontations way back when I was a teenager, but that was more than forty years ago; and it had been strictly my fault, not hers.

My mother lived in a small addition that I had built on the side of our house for her soon after my dad passed away. She had been there twelve years and we had gotten along fine; it was a great arrangement. She loved being there and my wife and I loved having her close by. Others would see how well this was working, and if they commented to me that I took good care of my mother, I would say, "Oh no . . . she takes good care of me."

She was always asking what she could do to help. Even in her old age she was a good worker. Not many men are fortunate enough to have the set up that I had: the yard was always nice and neat; the driveway swept; bushes were trimmed; even the foundation and the bottom part of the house, as high as she could reach, were kept nicely painted. One day I noticed even my front brick steps were painted. I didn't have the heart to tell her that used bricks don't need painting, that they are supposed to be faded and have different colors. She was also a good cook. It was better than going to a restaurant; I could just takes a few steps to mom's apartment for an old-fashioned pot roast dinner with all the trimmings, including a hot apple pie or baked grape nut pudding covered with a mountain of real whipped cream for dessert. I had a good thing going; why in the world would I mess up a deal like that?!

But now, after having this confrontation about control with my mother, I found myself trying to avoid going near her. For a couple of days I stayed out of her apartment; then the Lord spoke to my heart and told me that this was an opportunity for me to practice what I was learning about becoming free from control.

For many years I was accustomed to being greeted warmly, but this time when I entered mom's apartment, she said, sarcastically, "Well . . . did you enjoy your freedom today?!" I thought, Practice . . . practice . . . then, rather than letting that remark control my emotions, I calmly told her that I was serious about dealing with my control problem. It didn't take long for me to realize that communication between us had broken down. My mom wore hearing aides, and I felt as if she must have turned them off whenever I came anywhere near her.

I soon realized that this was more than just friction between two people; a battle was going on in the spiritual realm between principalities and powers that couldn't be seen with the natural eye. I do not believe that it was my mother who came up with the following tactics to discourage me from becoming free from the control bondage, and to hinder me from warning others of the danger of the misuse of control. Satan doesn't want anything written that exposes what he uses to destroy people, lest they set up a defense by putting on the whole armor of God (Eph.6:10-18). Control is a powerful weapon in his arsenal.

My mother's health had been deteriorating for some time. There were times when I really believed that she was dying of a heart attack. She would scream out in pain and sometimes actually go unconscious. What was so difficult for me was not knowing what to do; I felt so helpless. I had no choice but to call for the ambulance and have her rushed to the hospital. There she would stay for a few days, then come home again; although one day they sent her home the same day.

During one of these spells when she was in the hospital, I did speak to her doctor and told him how I had made the control break with my mother and asked him if he thought this was making her condition worse. We were in the corridor of the building; he said, "Let's go outside." Then he motioned me to sit down at a picnic table. He was a busy man and normally it would be hard to compete with his tight schedule to speak with him for any length of time, but this day he seemed to put all that on hold to give me some timely advice.

He told me that I had done the right thing by dealing with the control problem, and then went on to explain that nothing would be accomplished unless I was willing to stick with it. He advised me not to waver one bit, and day after day, week after week, month after month, I would need to be both firm and kind to my mother. I guess that is what is called "tough love."

I took his advice and remained steadfast, and, after a while, things began to get better. The control attacks against me lightened up, at least for a time. My mom and I had a kind of unspoken arrangement, as if we had agreed to disagree about this control issue. Other people would continue to go on playing the control game with her; and all seemed to be having a good time at it, while I sat silently on the sideline, often feeling left out and at a loss for words. But that was a small price to pay for the freedom I now enjoy. Also, the relationship with my mom was beginning to get on the right track. It was becoming more real, even though it was strained.

After some time had passed and she was approaching her late eighties, she began to feel that she needed more care than we were able to give, so she talked about going to a nursing home. Through the years my wife and I have always left her decisions up to her; we tried to be supportive but not controlling. One morning she told me she had made her decision and asked me to get information on several nursing homes. The one she chose was located near one of her grandsons, which was about a two-hour drive from home. After she moved, my wife and I would drive down to see her every other week.

At first the adjustment at the nursing home was very hard for her; but after being there a few months, she began to love it and became one of the most active and most beloved residents in the whole place. Her health improved remarkably. She would enter the Senior Olympics' contests and win many trophies and ribbons. She was elected Queen of the nursing home two years in a row. (I told her to slow down and give some of the other ladies a chance.) It was a great relief to me to see her getting along so well, and to see that the Home was giving her good care. The Bible speaks of a season for all things (Eccl.3:1); I thought this must be a time of healing and a time of rest--a time to put that control issue behind me.

After she had been at the nursing home about four years, I got some incredibly good news that came to me over the telephone. It was the best phone call of my life, one that I will never forget. There were some unusual circumstances leading up to this phone call--like a stage being set for a special performance, and me being lured into a position to see the curtain go up at the ring of the telephone. Only this was not a stage show; it was real life!

My wife and I have a friend named Sandy who, at that time, lived in a nearby health care center. She is a young woman who is severely afflicted with cerebral palsy, but she doesn't let that interfere with her activities--she is always ready to be on the go. We often pick her up to take her out to a restaurant where she usually orders spaghetti.

One beautiful day in June we asked her if she would like to have a picnic rather than go to a restaurant. She thought that was a great idea, so my wife made up a potful of spaghetti to bring on the picnic, which I planned to heat up on my little portable stove.

I suggested that we have our picnic beside a lake about seven miles from home. Roberta and Sandy agreed to that, so we drove there but soon found it was not such a good suggestion. The pathway to the picnic table was too rough to use with a wheelchair, the place was loaded with mosquitos, and the sky had become cloudy. We then decided to go back to town to another picnic area that had tables with roofs over them so we would not get wet if it began to rain.

When we got there, to our surprise, the picnic area was no longer there--it was just gone. I guess it must have been cleared out to expand the parking area for a fair held each year across the street from that location. My wife then suggested another place on the south side of town where we knew there was a picnic table and a beautiful view of the mountains. When we got there it looked as if we had finally found the perfect place for a picnic, and by that time we were really hungry. Roberta quickly put a table cloth over the table and began to set out the food, while I rushed to get Sandy out of the van and pushed her to the table in her wheelchair. Then Roberta opened the cooler and cried out, "I forgot the spaghetti!" (Sandy got a big laugh out of that.) We were just a few miles from home, so we decided that perhaps we should go back and eat there.

Now, I have known the Lord for a long time and sometimes I can tell when He is arranging circumstances to set me up for a blessing, and this felt like one of those times. On the way home I said, "With all the problems we're having with this picnic, I know there's a reason for us to go home; we may have a visitor or perhaps we'll get a phone call."

Sure enough . . . soon after we sat down at the kitchen table, the phone rang, and I said, "There's the call!" As I answered, the operator asked, "Will you accept a collect call from your mother?" I said, "Sure!"

Then my mother shouted over the phone, "Richard . . . Richard." (She is about the only one who calls me by that name.) "Something wonderful has happened to me! I am so happy! I feel so good! This is not in my imagination! It is spiritual! God has done it! I have been born again!"

I was stunned. It took a while to sink in. I had been waiting for this to happen for twenty-nine years, eight months and three weeks. What a miracle! It just happened. The Lord did it all, and she didn't know what hit her. She then asked me over the phone where in the Bible it told about being born again. I had tried for years and years to explain about the new birth to her until I concluded that I would have to simply leave her salvation in the Lord's Hands. Now she was asking me this?! I said, "John three . . . read John three!" After I hung up the phone I said to my wife and Sandy, "Mom has come to Christ!" We then rejoiced and thanked God for this mighty miracle.

After that when I visited my mother I could hardly believe what I was hearing. She would tell how good she was feeling, how well she slept at night, and how she did not worry about anything. One day she said, "The world could collapse on my head and it wouldn't bother me!" Was this my mother?! Year after year I had heard so much about her aches and pains and worries that I had to learn to block my ears. Now I was hearing this? I told my wife to pinch me to see if I were dreaming!

One of mom's big time worries used to be what people would think of her, but even that had changed. She was not one to keep something this exciting a secret. She knew a miracle had happen to her and wanted the world to hear about it. One man who worked at the nursing home apparently was not enthused about things of this nature. Describing his reaction to me, Mom said, "He thinks I've lost my mind, but I don't care what he thinks!"

Nights used to be a miserable time for her as she would lay awake fretting over things. This is how she described one night to Roberta and me when we visited her after that phone call. She said, "I had so much joy during the night that I didn't think I would make it to morning!"

I had never, ever, in my life, heard her speak like that or seen her write that way. Here are some quotes from her letters: "God has been so good to me"; "I can't express the feeling I have now"; "I'm so happy and feel so glad, God really is helping me"; "So wonderful to feel so good. Can't express my joy in words"; "The Holy Spirit is helping me; I feel so different--happy--nothing upsets me now"; "I have all I need. Can't express the joy I feel." She signed her letters: Love, Born Again Mother. My niece called to tell me she received a letter from my mother that was signed: "Love, Your Born Again Grandmother."

Mom had more visitors than most of the other residents in the nursing home; people liked her enthusiasm. Even those who didn't understand about the new birth were stating how they had never seen her look so happy. This all began just a day or so before her ninetieth birthday.

Once, about six years prior to this, when she was in the hospital, she almost died. I guess it was more than almost . . . she left and then came back to tell how she stood at Heaven's edge. The Lord said to her, "Go back, Ruby!" Now I can see why she came back. Almost three years after her new birth, when her next departure came, she was ready to go all the way Home to spend eternity with Jesus.

After her new birth I was looking for a great relationship to develop, not only as a mother and son but also as two believers in Christ. But as time went by I found that was not taking place; something was blocking our fellowship in the Lord. It was not that my mother's conversion was not real. Like all others who belong to Jesus, she was sealed by the Holy Spirit when she was born again (Eph.1:13). What bothered me so much was seeing how little my mother was growing in the love of Jesus.

For several months, as indicated in her letters, she was very happy and thankful, but then very slowly and subtly something was inching its way into her life that would bring her all the way down into the awful valley of complaining. Instead of telling of all the wonderful things God was doing, her conversation became more like, "Why hasn't God done this for me today and why hasn't He done that?"

Throughout the Bible, the word "ointment" often refers to precious anointing oil, which, symbolically, represents the anointing of the Holy Spirit. That is what the whole Body of Christ needs--the anointing of the Holy Spirit. When that happens, we forget our doctrinal hangups and simply fall in love with Jesus. The Bible says, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garment: As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life forevermore" (Psalm 133). That is what we should be seeking first, not the right church or fellowship, but rather that precious ointment which is the anointing of the Holy Spirit; then the rest will fit into its proper place.

The Bible also states that dead flies spoil "the ointment of the apothecary" (Eccl.10:1). It was as if a dead fly had gotten into the precious ointment that hindered the anointing of the Holy Spirit upon my mom. If she had that anointing, she would have fallen more in love with Jesus! And I can have a great relationship with anyone who has fallen in love with Jesus, because I have fallen in love so much with Him!

I really believe that the dead fly that spoiled the spiritual ointment in my mom's latter life, while she was here on earth, was from that rotten old control plague. Now you may understand more why I hate it so much! Apparently my mom had made a choice to hang onto the control branch, and although I thought she had made a terrible choice, I had to honor her freedom to choose. It was very difficult for me to see all the joy and happiness that she expressed in words and conveyed in letters slowly eroding away as her intensity to control others increased.

One day I received a package in the mail from her. Inside was a remote control from her television set with a note saying, "This is broken; will you fix it?" As soon as I saw the device and read the note I got another message, which I believe was a word from the Lord, saying that her control over me was finally broken, but that she wanted it repaired. Although she was not living here with us, she still wanted to control me remotely. After hearing that I hesitated to even try to fix the device for her television; but that wasn't necessary, for within a few days she had someone else get her a new one.

As the months passed, I was saddened to see her not growing in the love, peace and joy of the Lord. Still, as time went on, I was determined not to let her control me, also, not to try to control her. However, I did try to warn her when she got back into complaining about how dangerous that was, and how it could ruin her life. But that was one of the days when her hearing aides must have been turned off, for she answered me by complaining about how the nurses were trying to boss her around.

What they were doing was trying to get her to use her walker, because she had already fallen down two or three times without it. Soon after that she went again without it and had another fall, fracturing a bone in her lower back which gave her much pain. After that she started to go downhill fast. She refused to cooperate with the doctor and nurses, and used her painful condition to demand attention. I tried to talk to her about it and to encourage her to do things that would help her get well. Little did I know that I was about to get the biggest control test of my life. It was one of the hardest things I have gone through but it was necessary for me to endure in order to break free from being a controllee, and to be able to write this article, which I hope will help others to let go of that cursed control branch and abide in the True Vine.

Although my mother was used as the teacher, I don't think she had planned the lesson. I believe the powers of darkness had launched an attack against me, mainly because I was coming against this ungodly control game that people love to play. Some continue on with it even though they know it is dangerous. What my mom did was raise the stakes to a frightful height by refusing to eat. That put her squarely in the driver's seat. When a child, or a teenager, or an adult, even a ninety-two-year old woman, wants their own way enough to go on a hunger strike, you know they are serious about the game . . . dead serious.

Years prior to this, when she was feeling well, she requested a living will, which the family, including myself, agreed to honor. It was a lawful right for her to choose to state that no life support system would be applied to her when it was her time to pass on. So now, regardless of how much we begged the doctors or nurses, they could not lawfully feed her intravenously. This was very hard on my brother who lived nearly two thousand miles away. He kept calling the hospital and the nursing home, trying, with no avail, to get the doctors and nurses to feed mom by intravenous. Finally, he had to resign himself to the fact that she could not be artificially kept alive. His name as well as mine was signed on mom's living will.

The nurses and other residents of this nursing home really loved this woman along with family and friends, and now she was controlling them all without even getting out of bed. One day she said to me, "I asked God to take me and He didn't want me!" I thought to myself, "Now she's even trying to control God!" But, on second thought, I realized she was trying to control me.

Before this time she had been on a sugar-free diet, but now the doctor's instructions were to forget the diet, to just get her to eat anything. I said to myself, "Forget the sugar and forget control; this is not the way I want my mother to go!" Then I said to her, "Mom, just tell me what to do! Would you like me to get you a coffee ice cream soda? Let me go down to the ice cream shop; it will only take a moment." She agreed, so I hurried to get what used to be her favorite treat, but then she hardly took more than a sip of it. I felt so helpless as I watched her get weaker by the hour.

Another week went by when one morning a nurse discovered that during the night my mom had, by herself, reached to the bed stand for a glass of one of those vitamin drinks and drank the whole glassful. Everyone became encouraged thinking she had begun to eat and was on the road to recovery . . . but that did not happen.

As time slowly passed, she became so weak that she could hardly speak. One thing that did comfort me was that I knew she was on her way to Heaven, that her name was written in the Lamb's Book of Life. Oh, how good the Lord is to have given me that assurance!

One day while I was sitting beside her bed, I asked her, if she had her choice at this time, would she want to go to Heaven or to stay here. What a foolish question! I had expected her to say "Heaven, of course!" She could barely speak but she answered three times, "Stay here . . . stay here . . . stay here." I then reminded her that to do that she would have to eat something; but at that time it seemed as if the line had been crossed when her body would not accept food, even if she had tried to eat. Soon after that she would not even take water; she was nothing but skin and bones. Seeing her in that condition was very difficult, especially during the final week.

Although she did not seem to be in pain, the ones who were hurting were those who had to see her in that condition. When I watch the news on television and see people starving in famines in places like India or Africa, I find it almost too painful to watch. There is some--not much--but some consolation in knowing that something that awful is happening in a faraway place; but when it happens to your own mother, it gets pretty close to home. Let me tell you . . . it was not easy for weeks and weeks to watch helplessly as my mother starved herself to death. Thinking of it still is difficult. It has taken me a whole year to be able to write about it, which I felt was the only way I could warn others about the danger of hanging onto that cursed control branch.

If you had known my mom, you would find it hard to believe how such a kind Christian lady could take the control game to such an extent, but all she was doing was something that comes quite naturally. The desire to control or to be controlled is ingrained in the human nature of people of all ages. Some just seem to carry it further than others, and it doesn't take a lifetime of practice to learn to be an effective controller.

I enjoy boating. I have a small boat with an outboard motor, and though it is about twenty-five years old, it still moves along at a good speed. Last summer my wife and I were giving a friend of ours and her two-year-old-daughter a boat ride on a lake that is not far from where I live. I expected the child to be frightened, because it was her first motorboat ride. That was not the case. She was not too thrilled at having to wear a life jacket, but was eager to jump into the boat. Then once we got going, she began to act like the skipper. She wanted complete control of the trip, including the driving. No other boats were in sight, so I let her sit on my lap and place her little hands on the top of the steering wheel, while I kept mine on the bottom. She ordered me to go fast, so I eased the speed up to thirty miles per hour. That may not be considered fast for some boats, but for one as small as mine, it is moving right long. It was fast enough to keep this little girl happy, but not for long, for soon she became quite perturbed. What irritated her was not the performance of the boat; it was me having my hands on the bottom of the steering wheel. She kept trying to push them off; she wanted to be in total control of the boat.

Unfortunately, that is the way we often behave with our Heavenly Father. With His skillful hands He wants to guide our lives on the wonderful course He has planned for us from the foundation of the world; but we, with our freedom to choose, want to run our own lives. The little girl didn't understand that I was able to handle the boat better than she; she was only responding to human nature. After all, she was only two-years-old, but some of us have been around for a long time and should know by now that God is better at directing our lives than we are. Why do we still insist on running our own lives--even after we have wreck after wreck?

The Christian life, in a way, is like a boat ride. We who belong to Jesus are safely in the boat, and we are going to make it to Heaven's Shore; that is a certainty because He promised us that. We know He will always be with us and help us through any storm we may encounter on the way. So what have we got to worry about? Nothing! Why, then, are some of God's precious people not enjoying the trip? Probably because they are trying to control the boat!

Have you ever thought how wonderful the journey to the promised land could have been for the children of Israel if they had only been willing to follow the Master's plan?

When my mother was born again at the age of ninety, I knew her departure for Heaven would not be that far in the future. She mentioned more than once that she was ready to go whenever God called her. I thought that when the time did come, it would be something to look forward to, like when someone you love has the opportunity to go on a beautiful trip; but that is not the way it turned out.

A friend of mine once said to me, "Dick, there are things the way they should be and things the way they are, and you must learn to deal with things the way they are and not the way they should be!"

Well . . . OK . . . I will try to deal with things the way they are. But I cannot help thinking about the way things should be and could be--if only we would be willing to let go of the control and let God guide our lives His way!

Sometime ago a representative from a cosmetic company was trying to hook me into buying, then selling, its products, but I didn't take the bait. Her approach was, "How would you like to be in control of your life?" The line she gave me was that by working for this company I could make a lot of money, become financially independent and be my own boss. Our dialogue was not a very good one as she was trying to tell me how to make money and be in control, while I was trying to warn her of the "deceitfulness of riches" (Matt.13:22).

This notion of taking control of our own life--being our own boss, being independent, becoming self-sufficient--did not originate with the cosmetic company. I almost hesitate to tell where this "be in control" concept comes from, because it will sound so strange. Many will not even try to understand, but I must say it anyway: It comes from a tree!

This is no ordinary tree. The most poisonous toxin known to man is produced by this tree. This mysterious tree is more deadly than a rattlesnake, but we embrace it as if it were something good for us. It is invisible to the natural eye, yet still right there within easy reach. Watch out! Be careful where you step, because you can walk right into it without seeing it! We do not view it with our eyes but with our minds. This is not a natural tree; it is in the supernatural realm and should not be approached, for it is extremely dangerous. It is the Tree of Death.

When viewed with the natural mind this tree does not appear hazardous, but rather attractive and inviting. Something comes from this tree that makes us wise in a worldly way and gives us the notion that we can be in control of our lives and the lives of others. The decision to eat the fruit of this tree is not always a conscious one; the desire to eat of the fruit of it is a normal trait of the human nature with which we were born. We inherited this nature from Adam. The Tree of Death appears to be harmless but it is deadly, and God has warned us to stay away from it. It is the same supernatural Tree of Death that was in the midst of the Garden of Eden, the one God told Adam that he would "surely die" if he ate of it (Gen.2:17).

Adam and Eve were the most glorious of God's creations. Male and female, husband and wife, He created them. They were both physical and spiritual persons, innocent and pure with complete freedom to make their own choices. They were living in a perfect environment with provisions for everything they would ever need or want. God was so good to them; He gave them everything.

Two trees stood out in the Garden of Eden. One was the Tree of Life, the other the Tree of Death called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Gen.2:9). The Tree of Life was right there in the midst of the garden. All Adam and Eve had to do was to eat of it to have eternal life. They did not have to be willing to repent of sin before coming to the Tree of Life, because at that time they were sinless; that is the way God created them. They were so innocent (before they ate the fruit from the forbidden tree) that they could just enjoy life in the presence of God without even having to deal with what was right and what was wrong, with what was good and what was evil.

Life doesn't get any better than that! The word in Hebrew for this magnificent place where they lived, the Garden of Eden, is "ed-naw," which means "pleasure and delight." The Bible says, "The Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden" (Gen.2:8). This garden was both a spiritual and a physical site, a piece of Heaven placed upon the earth. I believe the reason no physical evidence of the Garden of Eden can be found is because it was removed from earth and drawn back into Heaven after Adam and Eve were banished from it.

I do not consider Heaven to be a place that is far away, somewhere way up there above the sky, but rather as very close to us, only in another dimension. If we were given a view through the dimensional curtain, we would see a lot of activity being carried out by the angels of God. At certain times these angels are sent through the dimensional barrier and are seen with the natural eye, but mainly they cannot be seen though they are close by, because they are in that other dimension. Also, if we could see through that dimensional curtain, I believe we would see the Tree of Life in Heaven, with the fruit of the Holy Spirit on it and with leaves "for the healing of the nations. (Rev.22:2). And, we would also see that other tree, the Tree of Death, not in Heaven but in the world, only not visible to the naked eye because of it being in another realm.

Even though God warned Adam that he would "surely die" if he ate of the fruit of the Tree of Death, Eve believed the devil instead of God when Satan appeared to her and told her they would "surely not die, but be as gods, knowing good and evil" (Gen.3:3,4). In other words, Satan was saying that there was something in that tree that would give them the power to be in control of their lives so that they would not need to rely on God.

The knowledge that comes from the forbidden tree produces the fruit of death, while the knowledge from the Tree of Life brings forth life. The fruit of one is eaten with the head (mind) and the other is eaten with the heart (spirit). One kind of knowledge puffs us up and makes us feel a false power of being in control, while the other kind brings us into the security of the love of God (1Cor.8:1). One produces idol worship and the creating of self images, and the other produces life in Christ!

King David had a son named Absalom who took great pride in his hair. He only had it cut once a year--and that was because it weighed three pounds and was too much of a load to carry around! (2Sam.14:25,26). Even though his hair brought him a lot of admiration, he would have been wise to have gotten a haircut more often. One day as he was riding his mule under a great oak tree, his long hair bounced up and got caught in the branches. The mule kept going out from under him and left him hanging there dangling in the air. His enemies found him in that helpless, awkward position and put him to death (2Sam.18:9-14).

A great symbolic picture is in that strange incident. Hair is something that grows out of the head. With the head (mind) we get "caught up" in that Tree of Death, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which makes us want to be in control. Absalom went to great lengths to gain control of his father's kingdom. He would wait at the gate of the city as people came through on their way to see King David and try to convince them, in a subtle way, that he would be a much better king than his father. Using that control tactic, Absalom stole the hearts of all the people of Israel away from his father (2Sam.15:1-6). Just as he stole away the affection that was meant for his father, if we get puffed up by the knowledge we receive by eating from the Tree of Death, we could find ourselves stealing from others the affection that belongs to Christ alone.

It is only natural for people of the world to play the control game, but we who belong to Jesus should not indulge in it. But we do . . . we get into it, big time! We even try to take over control of our Heavenly Father's Kingdom. Instead of praise, worship and thanksgiving, much of our prayer time is filled with telling God what to do. We even go as far as to think that we can schedule a spiritual revival. We have the audacity to want to be in control of our own righteousness rather than submitting to the righteousness of Christ. We do this by trying to work for and earn what is in the inheritance that God has given us through the finished work of Christ on the cross. We have a tendency to look up to people who have head knowledge from feasting on the Tree of Death and look down on the ones who have been nurtured by the Tree of Life.

The Bible is like a container filled with spiritual food. There is food in it from the Tree of Life and also food from the Tree of Death. I love the Bible and I know how terrible it sounds when I say there is food in it that produces death, but please let me explain why I say that.

False prophets use the Bible all the time; hundreds of worldly religions formulate their doctrines from the Bible; cult leaders use the Bible to bring their followers under their control; even sincere believers in Christ dig things out of it to argue about, which brings bitter division in their churches. When we try to understand the Scriptures with our natural mind, we can get wrong meanings right from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; but if we read the Scriptures with our hearts open to hear from the Spirit of God, we will be feasting from the Tree of Life. So in the Bible there is the letter of the word, which kills, and the Spirit of the Word, which gives life (2Cor.3:6).

Jesus said, "It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life" (John 6:63). The Bible is different from any other book; the Lord gave it to us as food for spiritual life. Truth cannot be obtained from it through the natural mind; it must come by revelation from the Spirit of God. Depending on our Heavenly Father to feed us spiritual food from the Bible is vital to receiving true knowledge, which is the truth that "shall make you free" (John 8:32).

The knowledge that comes from the Tree of Death produces self- centeredness; it makes us want to be able to pridefully answer all those spiritual questions that are unanswerable. The knowledge that comes from the Tree of Life produces Christ-centeredness; it gets us away from conversation about ourselves and makes us want to tell how wonderful Jesus is. Eating the fruit from the Tree of Life is the same as eating the Bread of Life, and Jesus is "the Bread of Life"! (John 6:35).

The Bible tells us to "grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (2 Pet.3:18). The Greek word for that kind of knowledge is "epiginosko," which means "to be fully acquainted with." To have more knowledge of the Lord is to be better acquainted with Jesus! The more time we spend close to Him, the better we get to know Him. The better we get to know Him, the more we become aware of His love, peace and joy.

We can measure how much we have grown in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord by looking at how much we are willing to let go of control. The new life that God has given to us who have received Christ as Lord and Savior is not about being in control, it is about being in love, totally in love . . . with Jesus!